The thing that I’m going to miss the most about Crimea is definitely plov and shashlik. Especially yang kat 7th yang sungguh menduga iman. The mutton shashlik s jiram (with fat cubes) is THE guilty pleasures, y’all. While biting into the fat cube, I can almost feel my arteries screaming as the cholesterol makes its way down giddily. Most mutton I’ve tried (after peptalking myself that I could handle the migraine that would follow) semua tahap nak tercabut gigi. Pakcik 7th tu aku tak tau la dia letak cuka cap apa yang berkesan sampai the mutton becomes so tender it’s heartbreaking. Dah la dia bagi diskaun singgit. Dia memang macho.
I’m investing in some pepper spray soon. Teenagers kat sini belum nampak lagi aku menurun kuasa super saiya. I had another incident last week, this time directed to me (I seriously think karma is working overtime here). I was happily drinking my milk shake which I bought from a street vendor when suddenly a stray hand shot forward and flipped my shake from my hand. Aku mula-mula blur jugak, almaklum la lepas kelas otak slow. I wondered for a full second where my cup had gone to, when I realized a couple of teenagers were laughing their heads off. Time tu pergh darah Bugis turun, I swung my tote bag, ready to decapitate the kid (I recognized him from the sleeve of his sweatshirt when he flipped off my cup) when Kala yelled out, “Laily, stop!” And I woke up from the trance. Hahha drama.
Kala cakap she would love to see me smack that kid with my book bag but yeah, there were three of them, very tall very lanky teenage boys. Even if I could knee one in the groin I think the other two would chop off my limbs.
I was so mad I wasn’t even on the verge of tears. Kadang-kadang ye la pompuan kan bipolar, marah pastu nangis. Hahha. Contoh terbaik; aku laa. But I think I was beyond the threshold of marah already. I was itching to kick some ass wey. Sampai mimpi-mimpi tu. I even plotted in my sleep that first, let the pepper spray do the job, later I would swing my bag, smack him around with it a little, then family jewel, let’s meet my knee, completed with a punch in the nose.
I’m not being maniacal (okay, maybe a slight) but 25 tahun aku idup tak pernah lagi kena splash dengan air sendiri. And the worse thing is I didn’t even break up with anybody (due to cliches of menyimbah air kat muka cheating exes portrayed by drama tempatan)! I used to think I could tolerate the locals. Heck, some of them go out of their ways to make us comfortable. Those are the people I don’t mind giving up my seat for in the mashrut. But some are total douchebags. I don’t know for the sole reason of being racist or they have very disappointing parents.
Mesti korang ingat aku ni dah tiga suku. Dey, try being splashed by choc milk shake on your chin and your favorite spring jacket then you’ll understand how I feel. Astaghfirullah. Tenang Laily.
Moving on. Seriously. Semalam Sport 1 buat lawak apam tayang Hockey Ukraine – Poland. I was like ‘What the fish??’ Dah laa Eid siap goreng fries and buat pancakes lagi for the game. Flipped through the channel, found Barca and Bayern baru nak start kat TET. Layan je laa although hati meronta-ronta nak tengok Chelski Livpool gak. I was not really that pumped up for Barca Bayern for Bayern to catch up with the aggregate would take a miracle and an Oliver Kahn. I don’t think Luca Toni and Ribery are bad per se, they are just as a match to Puyol and Toure Yaya. But the goalie has gotta go. See, I don’t even bother with his name cause he sucks as bad as his name.
Dah la TET takde half-time highlights, so we had to rely on LiveScore. So dok tunggu laa LiveScore refresh every two minutes while mata dah nak pejam. Macam game futsal Taman Wilayah Selayang it seemed. Gol this side. Then after a minute goal that side. Kemudian repeat the process. Bak kata Pugunan, one minute money come in, the next money come out. Come in, come out. Then come in again. Last-last all out since draw. Hahha. Kan dah cakap judi tu haram. Ish ishhhh.
The only fascinating thing about Barca Bayern game was the fact that Pep Guardiola was still seated out and the ref was my personal favorite. Roberto Rosetti, world-class ref and director of a hospital. My kind of man. I actually squealed when he stepped out into the field. Hahha.
Wo zuo kan you kan shang kan xia kan
Yuan lai mei ge nv hai dou bu jian dan
Wo xiang le you xiang Wo cai le you cai
Nv hai men de xin shi ta zhen qi guai =) ~ Kan Guo Lai, Richie Ren