Today I am not quite sure whether I cracked the joke of the year or dug my own grave. Hyperbole they are not.
Kak Rika and I were walking down the streets in front of Lenin Square (they have one of these in every other cities in old USSR) minding our own business, daring each other to step into the JLo outlet. Ye laaa kalu rega sluar sepasang lebih kurang duit makan aku sebulan tak payah kott. Anyway, out of the blue this guy yang tak tau la jatuh dari langit ke, bumped into Kak Rika from behind. And he immediately fired insults yang lebih kurang read like this when translated, “Watch where you’re going &%$%^$&^”.
Sedangkan dia yang langgar dari belakang. Sorry pun tak cakap.
Aku pulak tak tau laa kan tak semena-mena mendapat kuasa super saiya and fired back “Oi ko tu yang buta!”. He stopped walking away and started waving his hands like crazy. He was pretty tall (but in my case everybody else is pretty tall to me laa kan) and he staggered while walking. Mesti sudah lalok oooo.
Tak cukup dengan tu, I made the eye-to-eye gesture, konon ala-ala ‘I’m watching you’. Lagi laa sakan mamat tu punya sign language dia. Kak Rika dah ‘Laily, dah la tu. Dah la tu.’ Hahha and I was getting giddy-er. Ayah tau mesti kena lempang ni.
Mamat tu pulak takmo dah dah. I drew out the big guns and flipped him the bowfinger. The second I did it, rasa sangat bersalah dan malu. First I’m supposed to portray this gentle Muslim lady yang tak sepatutnya tau of such gesture. Second, I feel guilty for embarrassing my Lord. Okay, that goes backward. But you get the gist.
Nasib baik takde orang.
And nasib baik jugak mamat tu tak balun aku.
Dengan adrenaline on high tu, we entered Martini for lunch. Waiter ke Maitre D not so sure tu pulak didn’t understand the concept of personal space. “Where would you like to sit?” “Which language do you prefer?” “It’s a non-smoking table. Is it okay with you?” I just looked at Kak Rika with my face written ‘you je laa layan dia’ and she kindly handled the guy so that I wouldn’t risk being rude the second time.
Funny how I transited from laughing my head off to flipping birds to random strangers. Gosh I am such a bipolar.
So that was ‘A Day in the Life of an Emo Laily.’ Sekian terima kasih.
P/S: Shashi bayar utang masak idli with curry. Thank ye! It was heaven. I only wept for the absence of coconut chutney. Oh, Dubai’s coconut chutney how I miss you so.
What’s-a matter you? Hey! Gotta no respect. Hey!
What-a you t’ink you do? Hey!
Why you look-a so sad? Hey!
It’s-a not so bad. Hey! It’s-a nice-a place.
Ah, shaddap-a you face! ~ Shaddap You Face, Joe Dolce/Jose Mourinho. Tee hee.