Catching Up

I’m learning to write again.

So forgive me if this entry seems somehow convoluted, misleading, off the point, whatever.

Just one big jumble of mess here folks. Not to be responsible on any account of future migraines and headaches.

To start, I think I’m beginning to lose my marbles. Today I had gone to the wrong hospital thinking I was starting another different cycle. I had even double checked with Kak Rika the location of the class bla bla bla. I even called Pavala to say “Hey come to the coat rack cause the class is around there.” Dengan sungguh konpiden, may I add. She was like “Dey, where got coat rack in Endo dept.” And I was “What are you talking about? Where got Endo Dept in Jhe Dhe.” And she was “Laily, why the hell are you in Jhe Dhe?? Endo class in Semashko laa!” And I was “Dude, today’s Pulmo!” And she “Dude, today’s Endo! We’re all here already.”

Oh, crap.

I amazed myself by dashing across the slippery icy road to the bus stand to catch a bus. On any other day konfem I would have skid and drop on my backside. Dalam otak dok piker Shucks laa wey dah laa aku tak bawak notes Endo. Pasal DM pun hampeh tak ingat apa. Mangkuk mangkuk mangkuk.

I told Kak Rika about it on the way back from Krok and she had a jolly good time laughing her ass off at me. Thankss. And it was easily -5 out today. Pergi to settle the visa application for my family coming in June (wow, I’m graduating soon. Biar betik), since the lady precisely reminded me “Everything will be processed within two Mondays. Come on 2nd of March I will have your Spravka ready that day.” Dah pergi, turned out they hadn’t retrieved the document from wherever Godforsaken (forgive me God for refering to you in vain) place it was processed at. And she said “Please wait OUTSIDE. We’ll call you back in in twenty minutes.” Outside not being the lobby of a normal government building, outside refered to the very cold, very windy -5 OUTSIDE. Since the goverment building I was referring to refer to a small compact room yang bilik aku adalah lagi besar dari bilik tu. If it wasn’t for the official Ukrainian insigna hung inside I would have thought it was a kongsi gelap mafia punya tempat minum kopi kinda place.

So just to waste time, humor me while I explaine the bases of Spravka. You need to have one to apply an invitation letter for whomever you’re inviting into the country. Read: if you’re not invited to the party, go away. In order to obtain a Spravka, you must have a clean police record. So it’s safe to say I haven’t had the chance to bunuh sapa-sapa yet in this country since I’ve just obtained my Spravka this afternoon.

A conversation I had with an uncle who’s coming (oh yeah my whole kampung’s coming down for my convo y’all).

Laily: Kena buat document nak sahkah Lily takdak rekod jenayah kat sini. Nanti dah siap baru buleh buat visa.
PakDak: Habeh tu Lily dapat tak dokumen tu?
L: Awat Pakdak rasa muka Lily muka penah bunuh orang ka?
PD: Harharrr.

To think I’d (no, WE’d) like to come back to this this thisss I dunno a proper graceful name to refer to this shithole. Euro 2012, babeh. Insya Allahhhhh. *Imagining Beckham’s face upon seeing Lviv’s airport* “What? Are you telling me you don’t have any lavatories in this facility?? How do you suppose I relieve myself?? Into this vodka bottle??” Nah Beckham doesn’t have that much of an extensive vocabulary vault.

Huh. Panjang sungguh aku merepek.

I am purposely being superficial. I think you all need a break from the rallies and politics and agendas and global warming and Netanyahu and Livni and I heard Dow Jones is at the lowest bottom pit since 1997 and Citibank and AE are trying to discard customers and yeah, I’ll stop.

And E/l/izabeth W/ong. A little belated but who cares. What’s up with Malaysians pulling an Edison Chen left and right?? If I were her I’d go after Mr. BF, Lorena Bobbitt style.

A conversation I had with a politician-aspiring friend.

L: Aku harap-harap satu hari hang btoi2 buleh masuk parlimen. Jadi Menteri Kesihatan ka. Aku pi sokong hang.
WC: Terima kasih laa Laily. Hang memang laa sahabat sejati (ah adegan poyo ini biasa dengan mamat ni).
L: Tapi jauhkan diri dari aktiviti C/hua S/oi L/ek yaa WC.
WC: Wahhahhaha la**au hang Laily. Tapi kalu keluaq hang jangan lupa beli VCD aku naa.
L: Hahhahhaha bongok hang WC.

Lagho lagi. Okay ni kurang lagho. Eh sama je lagho. Don’t forget to catch Man U Inter second leg game next Tuesday. Kesian Sporting Lisbon. Cirit laa nak catch up 5 points ngan Bayern. UEFA-wise, go Shakhtar and Dynamo Kyiv!! Please don’t get eliminated and please let all those awesomeness of CSKA takpun Galatasaray (awesome laa sangat) and Man City to come to Ukraine.

With that I leave you with

Steal me, deal me, anyway you heal me
Maim me, tame me, you can never change me
Love me, like me, come ahead and fight me
Please me, tease me, go ahead and leave me ~ I Think I’m Paranoid, Garbage

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7 thoughts on “Catching Up

  1. eh,bukan dulu pakcik polis pernah carik ko kan,sampe depa pi ketok umah ko..heheheh..camne la nak apporve visa camni sampe pakcik polis pn dtg umah..hehehe…aku pn nak surat invitation boleh??

  2. yunayyy: hahha miss you too babe 😀

    eddie: shush you dont jinx it! i had enough bad luck as it is. tu aku blom break down the details pasal payment lagi. gileee aku nak lempang org dah hari tu. hahha. ko nak invitation letter soh bini ko pi buat. aku dah tobat dah. hahha.

    mary: thank yewwww. baru sebulan nehhh. kalu setahun would you send out a search party? (i know poyo sila lempang me)

    miss aida: btol! lets bump fist. hehhe. i finally settled everything, crossing my fingers je la skrg hoping for the best. thank you 🙂

    amal: yep, and yay! hahha. i’ll be back 14th july. be my date for my msian convo please?

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