Love Lost, Love Found

1. She was the first woman I’ve ever found a rekindling sisterhood with.
2. A best friend, emotionally, spiritually.
3. My first male best friend. Who taught me the meaning of ‘thug love’. ๐Ÿ˜€
4. A pillar of strength, who tells me suicide does not only happen in CSI or Law & Order.
5. A bundle of joy.
6. Almost family. Water can be as thick as blood.

24 years. Numerous love found. Several lost. Some went awry, another half just gone missing. Family becomes stranger, friends become mere acquaintances.

Number 1 fills a blank spot in my family tree. Not for long, but it was sweet while it lasted. I laughed with her one day, I cried because of her the next. I loved her one year, and abhorred her the next. There was a thin line between those, they say. I was young, I was hateful. Over the years, it was never anybody’s fault, I learned. I let her go, the same way she let my family go. She was the first lesson to me that love never goes as we plan.

I always thought I shared a deep bond with number 2. We were as different as light and day, but we managed to find friendship despite our differences. Yin and Yang. But I guess that was why we complemented each other so. Our faiths and beliefs, although exactly what set us apart at first, were the ones that strengthen us. She was devout, I was firm but inquisitive. We debated, we compared notes, we prayed with and for each other, both hoping one day we could be sisters in faith. We contradicted, but maybe that was why we attracted attention everywhere we went. We didn’t mind the attention, in fact we took pride in the fact that two girls from different theological backgrounds could embrace life together.

Number 3 came crashing like he owned the world. Brazen, potty-mouthed, bad sense of clothing, I would love to hate him from the start. He talked and dressed like he came from the Bronx, while in truth he hailed from good ol’ UK. Rapper boy may be a sore sight at first, but I learned underneath yards of chains (or is it bling?) and basketball jersey, lay a gentle heart with an even gentler soul. He was Bow Wow who spoke like Michael Buble.ย He was a best friend. He was a first love.

When I thought drama could only happen in TV, number 4 proved me wrong. Our friendship was still lukewarm at best, but already she mounted heaps of trust in me. I was honored, but couldn’t help feeling like I was inadequate for the job. I racked my brain for things that could do to lessen her burden, but in the end I failed, and she said I was trying too hard. She smiledย a reassuring smile. “You’ve done more than enough, Laily. You listen, and that makes me more than happy.” But I guess I didn’t listen enough. One day she tried taking her life, and I felt like my own world was ending.

When number 1 departed, she left us with a link. Number 5 is our family’s pride and joy, and because of him, I realized I could never hate the person that gave birth to our new miracle.

Distance was a hindrance to number 2 and I. We tried our hardest with phones and emails, but in the end we slackened. Number 6 kept us together, a sister who we mutually looked up to. We told her stuff that we couldn’t bring ourselves to tell each other. In the end, number 6 saw the light, and embraced the faith that I have long believed in. Maybe number 2 saw it as a betrayal, God knows. I gained a sister, but lost a friend.

I reunited with number 3 in the most unlikely of places. Who thought a former P. Diddy would be a state debater eight years after? He was still a gentleman, minus the trademark baseball cap and kee. Too bad he’s off the market. ๐Ÿ˜€

I have lost my love, but captured new ones along the way.
It’s ongoing, really. Almost eerily like a recycling process, it’s not funny.

Hope you have a better luck keeping yours. ๐Ÿ™‚


5 thoughts on “Love Lost, Love Found

  1. staind says:

    i did experinced same like you sis.. u love and lost.. finding a love is hard already but keeping it?much harder.. but no worries i guess.. there must be something much more precious waiting for ya along the way.. hehe..

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