In Touch With My Feelings

Some say I am gullible. Some just ignore my feelings and blatantly accuse me of being ignorant. The rest may label it being ‘unable to feel’ while a few left it at ‘hopeless’.

I don’t talk about my private life on my blog can be due to several factors. Maybe I don’t have one. Or maybe I’m too ashamed of being one that walked down the ‘wrong path’ and find I enjoy ogling at girls more than I do guys. Can be because I don’t feel the need to document all sorts of detail on a webpage where it can be accessed by millions.

In any case, I’m not gay. Just so that you know.

I know how to feel. I have crushes too. The latest one being Channing Tatum, remember? I do blush when a guy (apparently someone with questionable eyesight) makes a pass at me (especially if he’s cute). I tend to react differently from other girls though, so be aware. While most girls would flip their hair when a guy passes them by and whisper a ‘Samekom’ in Pasar Malam, I would reply (cause ‘kalu tak jawab berdoseee’) with I hope my most mandom face.

Jual mahal? I doubt I’m even ‘selling’ any. Somebody has to make an effort to ‘sell’ in order to ‘jual mahal’. I’m sorry if I don’t appear flirty in your presence, cause surprise, surprise, maybe I’m not. I don’t know how to act manja, how to pretend to giggle and do the lazy blink thingy that girls always do in the presence of the guys they want to impress. I tried to do that once and guess what, the guy that I tried to impress thought I was falling asleep on him (that was in Standard 2, while my brain cells were still cultivating). So no, no lazy blink thing for me.

I’m 23. I’m ashamed to say I’m not panicking although most of my colleagues are either taken or getting hitched soon. I’m not in a hurry to find ‘that person’. It gets old deflecting the standard ‘who’s the lucky/unlucky guy’ questions, but I just let it fade, most of the time. Maybe I would make more sense if I introduce myself as ‘Hey, I’m Laily. Here’s polan bin polan, my bf (God forbid, gf! :D)’, is that it?  

I loved. And I love. Love is a subjective feeling. You may be crazy in love with that person today, no telling that you’re going to hate his/her guts come next year. Til death do us apart? It’s a pretty idea. Til you find my flaw. Love me? It’s going to be difficult. I don’t promise I won’t drive you crazy. Most of the time I’ll love you back. The rest of it I’ll annoy you. But if I love you enough, I will let you go.

Cause everybody deserves to be happy.


6 thoughts on “In Touch With My Feelings

  1. wa wa we wa.suddenly jadi emo emo huh…that day will come trust me, stop searching and enjoy life while waiting…eh, “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle” tu cite 2 eko mamat neh searching for beger white castle,dload arr cite tu..lawak dowhhh..

  2. LaiLy says:

    eddie: dude, first thing first, im so disappointed u didnt get the joke. o-em-gee, am i losing my touch on cracking jokes too?? adalah! hehhehe

    second, wahhahha mana de emo. just thought i want to justify myself to those yg accuse me of being feelingless. tader double2 meaning atau seangkatan dgn nya. 😀

  3. It’s okay… Kalau hati tak pernah terasa nak berchenta tak payah nak paksa2 diri. Think of it as Allah is reserve you for someone yg betul2 worth it.

    Seriously, all those cinta2 monyet is really really buang masa.

    But when you find the right guy, just marry him! Nanti kena kebas pulak.

  4. love you to bits anyway, hun…

    well, u-know.. not thaaat kinda love.. hahahh..

    (oh wait, maybe only we know the gay inside joke) lol.

    seriously, missing u. sorry i’m being lazy to keep in touch. i suck @ emailing n writing.. n sms-ing. i wonder how ben keeps up with me o_0 haha

    anyway, i got a sth to tell.. am thinking when is the right time to start writing.. hehehhe..

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