Pain in the Arse

Today I slept in class. Nothing new there. But today I slept in class and I drooled on the table. That’s something new. I never thought I had extra fluid to spare since I barely drink the recommended 2 liters of fluid per day. Oh well. Next time I’m sleeping in class it’s gonna be the slumping style. Freestyle swimming style proves to be drool-able, hence fluid-wasting not to mention waterface-dropping.

Before the ultimate delta rhythm sleep, we had the chance to witness an operation on rectal cyst. Rectum = self-explanatory. If you’re still lost I recommend standing up with your legs apart and bend down with your head between the knees and look up. Cyst = cavity/kantung filled with fluid. In Malay I think it comes close to siska (suka-suka hati aku je taram) dalam itu lobang. Lobang mana? Don’t ask.

Since the hospital langsung takde cafe and since Malaysian kids can’t go a day without a proper breakfast of nasik lemak takpun mee goreng tak pun roti canai, most of us cater nasik lemak from somebody. The food arrives early every morning, so basically after piti-minutku (5-min conference) we’d hit the classroom and start attacking the food before attending surgery. But today the correct time for breakfast became an essential: should we makan before the op therefore risking nauseating in the middle of the op room since the op did center around the organ where food mainly comes out from it, or should we makan after the op while at the same time having the image of one particular natural aperture while spooning on our sambal bawang. Thank God I didn’t order any and stick with some peanuts instead. On the other hand, what was it with goat’s feces? Alright, imagination running rampant again.

Anyway, standing by the surgeon (who happened to be a 60-something tata humming to the likes of Ukrainian version of Britney’s songs), I tried not to appear too sleepy. When they first scrubbed him in and spread his legs on the litothomic chair (that’s the chair you see in almost every proctologist and gynaecologist’s procedural room), nothing seemed to be too out of place. No hemorrhoids, no polyps or whatsoever. But the man looked sangat meneran, man.. Must suck to be in pain but unable to see the source of the pain, which was this time, literally in the backside.

The surgeon inserted a speculum to dilate the you-know, followed by a pair of forceps to pull out the cyst. Lo and behold, I had the impression cyst ni ala-ala besar guli tak pun at most as big as the Ferrero Rocher punya cokelat (pardon the metaphor) so I was so shocked to see when the surgeon pulled out a cyst even bigger than my own fist. Heck, I bet it’s bigger than Mike Tyson’s.

p55_16_03_2007.jpg

I wonder how blockage feels like. Ack.

And I have the suwey-est luck with dogs lately. Dogs are NOT man’s best friend. They are not mine, at least. When I was in Standard 4, everytime I came to the street two blocks away from my house, I’d gather my skolah agama’s skirt full in my fist before breaking into a full marathon. There was this one huge black dog always hanging out under a lorry there who just happened to love freaking the hell out of me every single time. The routine ended after we shifted to Kuching where most of the dog owners have the decency of keeping their dogs within the high fence. So it can be said that the 6 months of being dog-chased did scar me for life.

Three nights ago, while walking along the dark empty streets with Eid and Masy after dining outside, suddenly a dog started barking out of nowhere. It sounded so close I could feel the dog’s breath near my ears. Tengok-tengok the dog was beyond a tall gate, where he couldn’t actually see me, but he could BREATHE me (me being the closest to the gate) and started going crazy and barking all over the place. I jumped 10 feet high and clamoured all over Eid. The girls laughed like crazy. I swear running into a thief would not be as traumatic.

The day after while walking to the hospital, a Chihuahua swiggled his way to me after his morning poo routine and takde angin takde tsunami, barked for all of his vocal cord’s worth. I swear Chihuahuas are the stupidest takpun the most perasan best dogs around. You don’t go and bark at the Bulldogs and Pitbulls if you don’t even come up to their calf. Haih. Dogs.

On a different note, saya dapat parcel. Saya suka. Sayang mak, ayah dan Mee Sedap 😀

P/S – anybody feels offended by the photo do acknowledge me and I will take it down.

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13 thoughts on “Pain in the Arse

  1. Ben says:

    I never thought a picture of an engorged cyst would be so mesmerising. jk
    no.
    really.
    no.

    this is certainly a first. never thought someone would b able to get away with putting a pic of an asshole on their blog without appearing sick/perverted.

    you pulled it off.

    good job.

  2. Eddie says:

    cantek punye metaphor,pasni if aku nak makan ferrero rocher,i will remember the same round thing that comes out from the arse!!!huwaaaa!!!!

    waaa,aku rase la,since selaluje ko kene bark dek anjung2,maybe thru the eyes of the dogs,depa nampak ko cam kucing kot…tu yg nak serangjeee…ngehehehe

    keep on updating gurll….

  3. umar says:

    mek, seriously. whats this with the a-hole pic. and the patient you were doing this on didnt mind having you take the pic of him in all his glory?. Hahahaha, i dunno whether ive ever seen something so hilarious yet so nauseating at the same time. props to you mek, my respect level (which is ever increasing with every cringing fact you tell me), has just increased another notch.

  4. OMG. So ‘ewwww….’
    cam nk terberanak jer.. wahahahah..

    anyway, lai.. i got stories to tell. gossssssipsss!! whenever we’re both not busy, i’ll spill! 😀
    missing ya’

  5. ahaks laily ure a gem lah i was kinda laughing when u said u slept lol… i must say i have a lot to catch up! nvm it’s 2 am in d morn n will do more catching up tomorrow. da zaftra!

  6. ben: glad you found amusement in someone else’s agony 🙂 can’t claim i’m a perverted now right if i stick it all under the ‘for learning purposes’ tag? and thank you 🙂

    eddie: wahhahha, sorry la pakcik, that choc just jumped into my brain when i was looking for the perfect metaphor so voila 😀 and the kucing comment? if i’d resemble any type of feline i want it to be the catwoman tak pun cheetara dlm thundercats tuh. orait dak?

    and i’ll keep updating, dont worry. mana tau one of these days when im feeling very generous i’d even put up a pic of that certain-certain someone. 😀

    umar: you’re the last person i thought who’d drop a comment, hehhe. before putting up any pic of course we have to obtain the patient’s approval dulu.. and the pakcik who had his private part glorified nih was a very cool pakcik.. and thank you, i guess? although i do not see where the props are due :)and keep commenting? 😛

    amaL: congrats, hun! and yeah, the photo does look sickening kan? i think im getting my sinusitis balek now that it’s spring :(( nak balik mesia… 😦

    miruL: hey there! a gem eh? hahha.. takkan ko tak pernah nampak aku tido in lectures during one of those peririvs? oh right, i seldom attend lectures, maybe that’s why? 😀

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